I keep trying to write a well-crafted blog post and it’s just not coming together. So I am finally chucking that goal and just going to get something out, on the page. Because as a writer, that’s what we have to do sometimes. It can’t always be pretty and trim and eloquent.
As a mom and a wife and a friend and a human being, these are some of the thoughts swirling around in my head lately:
- Am I doing this parenting thing ‘right’?
- Why do I feel so weary?
- Will my kids grow up to be okay?
- Is something wrong with me (health-wise, mental-wise)?
- Do I just overthink things?
- Am I a flaky person?
- Am I a good friend?
- Do I love people well?
- How do I balance work and home and loving my husband and my kids and being a part of a church and a good neighbor and…
It’s 3:45 am and I woke up with fears. Fears of bad things that could happen. To my kids. To my family members. I don’t want to be fearful, Lord. I really don’t. I am not usually. But a dark cloud has been hovering lately. Help me trust You. Help me walk with You through the ups and downs in life and don’t let go of Your Strong Hand.
I haven’t been talking to You lately. I am sorry for that. I get so in a tizzy with busyness. I don’t mean to. Or maybe I do. Because it feels good to not have to think, so sit in my thoughts and anxieties and fears and lows. But I don’t want to run from things, Lord.
Father, I need You. Every hour I need You. Help me to parent my children. Oh, this is such a weary job. A thankless one. Help me to balance my time well. Help me mostly, to cling to You. I can’t do life without You. I know that. I can’t carry the weight of it all.
And that’s all I’ve got tonight. That’s all I’ve got.