I have been told that I have the gift of sleep. But I don’t really want that gift. I am embarrassed by the fact that I need a lot of sleep and that I’m not a chipper, up-beat person in the morning. Far from it. Ever since I was a kid, I was always the last one to wake up. That’s not that big of a deal in your own family, but when you’re spending the night at a friend’s house or even worse, at a slumber party with a lot of friends, or even worse, with your in-laws, it’s rather embarrassing. Note: if you don’t have time the read this whole post, you can skip to the top ten list below.
Anyone remember this awkward scene from Meet the Parents?
When we’re visiting my husband’s family, by the time I come downstairs, they have already been on a walk to the park with the dogs, showered, dressed, and eaten breakfast. Then finally, here I come, waddling into the kitchen still in my pjs, hair ratty, eyes puffy, in dire need of strong coffee, and I’m greeted with that syrupy sweet yet slightly irritating “Goood moooooorning Amanda! You’re AWAKE! Did you sleep well?!?” It’s the same kind of voice a parent uses when their child goes tee-tee in the potty for the first time. You know what I’m talking about.
My husband has sweetly encouraged me to just accept the fact that I need a lot of sleep. But it’s hard. I want to be one of those people that can go on 6 hours or less. I want to be one of those people who just pops up in the morning, chipper and cheery, ready to go. I want to be that mom who has a hot breakfast on the table for her family as soon as they wake up. But I’m NOT one of those people. Thankfully, my sweet husband accepts this fact and does not demand that I change. But oh, I often think about how much more I could get done if I only needed 6 hours of sleep! Someone once challenged me by suggesting that perhaps my need for sleep is a lesson in humility – a gentle reminder that I can’t get everything done that I want to do within a day’s time, and therefore, I must leave the undone things to God and trust Him with the rest. Interesting point. Easier said than done.
My husband has become my sleep champion – he not only supports my need for sleep and lets me sleep in and nap on the weekends, he also serves as my ALARM CLOCK, particularly on the weekdays when I am hit hard with the brutal reality that our kids get up around 6:30am. Which is THREE hours earlier than my body naturally wakes up. One of the many things I wasn’t prepared for when it came to having kids. But that could be a blog post in itself.
My husband has found a way to make ‘waking Amanda’ fun. Note: some of you may be horrified by the tactics listed below. But I am DEAD to the world in the mornings, so what may seem harsh and annoying to some, is actually quite effective for me. Most mornings. Sometimes I am pissed, don’t get me wrong.
10 Ways to Wake Amanda
1. Do a Google search for ‘most annoying songs ever’. Play those songs on repeat on the ipad and hide the ipad somewhere in the room. Those songs will be in my head for the rest of the day. These catchy tunes include: Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear, I’m a Nut, If You’re Happy and You Know It, Van Halen Pandora radio station and Who Stole the Cookies From the Cookie Jar.
2. The cold wet towel trick. Note: sometimes this is actually quite soothing when it’s hot in the morning. Most effective places to place it: belly or face.
3. The tug and pull: “Kids, you pull mommy’s arms, I’ll take mommy’s legs.”
4. The death march – Play band music, preferably UT’s school song with lots of fanfare to get mommy on her feet and make her march around the house until her body wakes up her mind.
5. Coffee. Delivered to my bedside.
6. Tickling. The kids are involved. Which often means pinching and poking instead of tickling.
7. “Let’s tackle mommy!” which leads to a dog pile and someone gets hurt and hits the other one.
8. Men’s cologne. 80’s stuff is the best. A few squirts all over mommy gives her a headache and reminds her of junior high slow dances.
9. Pretend it’s the sleep Olympics. Play the Rocky song and chant, “Go, go, go! Sleep, mommy, sleep! You can do it!”
10. And now for the GRAND FINALE – don’t hate on my pjs or the fact that I sleep with a pillow in between my legs.
For your enjoyment: